Sometimes what looks like self-importance is really a life made so rigid that neither love nor anything living can get close.
Field Notes
We often speak of narcissism as though it means loving oneself too much, but a person can appear completely centered on themselves while having almost no real tenderness for who they are. The image must be protected, the room controlled, the position maintained. Anything unpredictable—criticism, vulnerability, another person’s needs, even their own deeper feelings—can begin to feel like a threat.
Rigidity can imitate strength because it keeps everything in place. But love requires movement. It asks us to be affected, to revise ourselves, and to care for something that cannot be managed into perfection. Sometimes the clearest sign that a person cannot love themselves is not how much attention they demand, but how little life they are able to let in.