Some parents call it love when what they really want is to remain necessary.
Field Notes
A parent can give everything and still be using the child to hold their own life together. The constant attention, sacrifice, protection, and closeness begin to carry an expectation: After all I have done for you, you cannot leave me, outgrow me, or become someone I cannot control.
Love is supposed to help another person become more fully themselves. When a parent needs dependence in return, devotion becomes guilt and closeness becomes possession. It may look tender from the outside, but there is no room to breathe inside it.